Day one Sugar free

Day One:  July 1, 2011
Weight:  163.2 lbs

Day one goal:  Don't kill anyone while I am detoxing from sugar.

This sounds simple enough, however, when you are a sugar addict and every moment you are awake you are either eating sugar, thinking about eating sugar, planning on eating sugar or feeling horrible about yourself and your lack of self control for consuming all of that sugar, it can be challenging.

So here's the deal.  I eat crap.  Poptarts for 2 of my 3 meals and the last one so full of processed food and starches that the poptarts look healthy.  I drink diet soda all day long and could easily go through a twelve pack in a day.  I can't stop at just one piece of candy, but can go through the bag of treats in one sitting.  I don't share well either.  I will get upset if my kids eat my Lucky Charms or my ginger snap cookies.  I knew I had a problem, but it didn't seem fair that other people could eat whatever and I couldn't.

Eventually, though I realized that there must be something I can do to feel better, to take less pills, to stop feeling depressed all the time.  So I met with a nutritionist and she confirmed what I already knew.  That for me, sugar is my addiction much like a 1/5 of vodka is the pitfall for an alcoholic.  I will eat way past fullness when those items are around because I want to make sure I get it all and no one else can take it from me.  And something I like to say often to explain how I know I am doing bad behavior is that I have the small rational part of my brain - little rational me - who knows that eating two dozen croissants in one day is wrong, that part of my brain is locked up in a plexiglass cage high up in the cavern of my psyche.  It can see all the bad things I do, but has no power to stop it.

So after discussing all my eating habits, triggers and the goals and reason I am seeing the nutritionist, Robin, I am given a game plan for at least three weeks.  Most disappointing though is the knowledge that I need to avoid baked goods, breads, grains like the plague, not just while I am relearning foods to eat and such, but forever.  Like a drug addict or alcoholic, I can never have those things again.  Many addicts treat it like an allergy.  It's easier to do than saying it's something you can't handle because that just makes you feel weak, but if you say it's an allergy, then it's like people who are allergic to peanuts or bee stings.  That makes it socially acceptable and something you have no control over, never had any control over it really.

I went home that evening and like someone going off to war or the prisoner having their final meal, I feasted on the remainder of the bag of chicken nuggets with marinade that was left in the house.  Totally bloated and miserable after eating it all, I went to bed contemplating the life change I was about to embark on.

This brings us to Day One of detox and rehab.  I woke up extremely early and spent hours researching some non-food things before getting ready for work.  On the way to the office, I stopped at the grocery store with my menu list in hand.  I spent thirty minutes searching for some of the items that I could eat for the day and with a resigned attitude, headed in for a my first day without my sugar crutch.

I should mention that  I am a stress eater.  When I get stressed out, I want to go back to my comfort foods like candy, poptarts, breads. - and lately everything about work stresses me.  So the day was going to be a huge challenge and within my first hour there, I was challenged to not look for edible stress relievers.  I was able to focus for the first few hours without incident and then it was time for the company lunch.

Normally, I'm the first person in line - something about buffet lines that screams be first or get every germ everyone else has left behind, plus I don't want to miss out on anything - but today, it was with little hope of being able to consume anything that I headed out.  I was still able to be first in the line for lunch and made a healthy choice of a small section of chicken slices and some baby spinach, romaine and arugula salad with balsamic vinegar dressing.  I did pick up some mango chutney for the chicken.  With my 16oz of water and my 17 oz Ice sparkling water drink, I settled in for lunch.  Despite being at a table with coworkers who had loaded up their plates with rolls, desserts and rice which I was forbidden, I was able to control the urge to eat any of that.  In fact, I felt pretty good about my meal for the day.

Later, it was time for my snack and I opted for a stick of string cheese (reduced fat of course) and the second diet Pepsi I was allowed for the day.  I was able to finish up my work day with success, drinking more water than I have recently and sticking to the timing, amounts and types of foods I was supposed to eat on my new plan (not diet).   The next test would be Friday evening rush hour added to holiday traffic...with no air conditioning in the car.  I made it home with two whiny teenagers and loved my air conditioned home as soon as I stepped in the door.  We settled in for a bit, I had an apple for my snack and around 8 we went shopping.  I got the rest of the items on my list to last me a couple of weeks.  The teens however pushed for pizza for dinner and they picked up something that included cookies.  Cruel, but I allowed it.  It was hard to resist, but I made it through without stealing any of their dinner or dessert.  Although my daughter feeding her leftovers to the dogs kind of ticked me off, but it was either that or the trash so there you go....

Not being able to decide what I wanted to eat, I ended up waiting until 11 pm before I had the eggs and Canadian bacon choice.  I know, not the best decision to wait that long, but I honestly couldn't figure out which meal would satisfy me the most without involving tons of time to prepare. I ended up going to bed at midnight, but was exhausted when I got there so fell asleep immediately.

Thus ended my first day of my new plan, life change, direction.

Here is my food journal for the day:

• 6:30 AM - 1 Calcium/Magnesium/Zinc supplement, 1 1290 Fish oil (for hereditary high cholesterol), 1 multi-vitamin, 50mg Vyvanse, 40 mg Prozac, with water (2 oz)
• 8:15 AM - 17 oz EAS Myoplex Original meal replacement shake, chocolate fudge flavored, over ice (it wasn't cold yet as I'd just bought it).  12 oz Diet Pepsi
• 11:48 AM - 1 Reduced fat String Cheese (cheese stick), with water
• 12:00 PM  - 1 cup salad, 1 tbsp balsamic vinegar dressing, 4 oz (or less) grilled chicken with spices, 1/4 cup of mango chutney, 16 oz water, 17 oz Pomegranate Berry Sparkling Ice no calorie beverage
• 2:45 PM - 12 oz Diet Pepsi, 1 Reduced fat String Cheese (cheese stick)
• 3:00 PM - 16 oz water
• 6:30 PM - 1 large apple, sliced, 12 oz Diet Pepsi (first forbidden item)
• 9:30 PM - 1 Hershey's Special Dark candy bar (cold turkey just wasn't gonna happen)
• 11:00 PM - 1 egg, 2 egg whites scrambled, 2 slices of Canadian Bacon, 6 oz Diet Pepsi (didn't finish it)

Tomorrow will be better at remaining compliant, I hope!

For more information on the bad health effects from sugar addiction, please see "Suicide by Sugar" by Nancy Appleton, PhD and G.N. Jacobs.  Maybe you'll see something that you've experienced as well.  Good luck fellow addicts...we can beat this thing!