Day 10: July 10, 2011
Weight: 161.2 (2 lbs down!)
Goal for the day: Same as ever - reduce cheats and cut out the soda
Well I was hoping to keep a daily journal of the ups and downs of moving from my sugar addiction, but it seems that food is not the only area I lack discipline in. Every day is another opportunity to start over and yet, I put things off. Procrastination should be an Olympic sport. I would have more medals than Phelps on that one. It's the biggest bad habit I have, putting things off because 1) I just don't feel like it, 2) I don't want to deal with it, 3) it's boring and I'll deal with it when it becomes critical and 4) I would rather be doing something else that is totally not productive! And this bad habit applies to everything - work, health, home, relationships, responsibilities, finances, etc, etc. etc.
Someone told me recently that I make these choices that seem small when I make them but that ultimately end up being major catastrophes. This was after I had a particularly bad couple of days with flat tires and running out of gas in the middle of Atlanta when I should have been studying. Possibly if I'd spent that time studying, I would have passed the FAR exam by learning enough material to get that ONE MORE POINT to pass from 74 to 75. Instead, I drove 20 miles away with an injured bird to take him to a volunteer that rehabs wild birds versus putting them down. In doing so, knowing I didn't have enough gas to do that and I wouldn't have gas money until the next day, I ran out of gas when I got close to the destination. I ended up calling on a friend to save me yet again and spent 3 hours total dealing with it. That's just the trip, I'd spent hours before researching where I could take this injured bird.
So keeping focus and making the hard decision that does me better in the long run are two things I need to work on. I think because I've been able to get by with doing the minimum effort and then cram right before a deadline so far, that I've made that my MO. Now, though, that won't work anymore. So while food choice may be the symptom, the greater issue is taking care of myself. I'm not very good at it, but I crave the ability so much. Probably more than sugar.
Today, I make a promise to myself, to do the right thing even if it's the hard thing. That means not trying to keep up with the Joneses, acknowledging the budget I set for myself a couple months ago, doing the things that will relieve me of stress and worry (probably would take less energy than the stress and worry does), making a responsible choice of the two options presented. Just thinking about it makes me tired.
Another issue I struggle with is being honest with myself and others. I don't want to be a hypocrite EVER, so I am always cognizant of when I mangle the truth to make myself look better or to avoid trouble. So the lesson here is that if I do the right thing and have nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed of, I won't need to lie, right? Easier said than done, I know.
So here are some truths I need to tell. I am overweight because I don't exercise like I should, I don't eat the right foods and I don't take care of myself. I'd rather get the instant gratification of the candy or the sitting on the couch than doing what I need to do. Another truth, I am TERRIBLE with money. For being an accountant and working on my CPA, I am constantly living hand to mouth. I'd know I'd be better off and take care of myself better to be frugal, say no to the 'treats' I give myself and the kids when I get paid. It is definitely reminiscent of the feast or famine of my childhood, with my brother, mother and I living on my mom's single paycheck each month. I didn't understand then, how hard it was to keep food in the house with two growing kids who were constantly asking for more until I had to do it. Keeping food on the table for 3 kids is a struggle and I totally understand that quantity has outweighed quality to this point.
I keep saying it's hard to maintain a special diet in the house when everyone else is eating other things, but I have to remember I am the one buying the food so if I say no more junk, then no more junk is what should happen. I use that excuse when the kids want to buy something I don't want to buy them or I get something for myself that they want and they whine about it not being fair, I say "Get a job and you can have whatever you want...." Cruel, I know. But it's better than the sense of neglect I felt whenever my mother treated herself and not me without explanation. I get it now and knowing how bad it made me feel, I try to keep things equal. Treats for everyone and then I'm back into hurting myself financially again.
What is so sad, is I see me doing this to myself, sometimes even as I am making the bad decisions, but I think "I'll deal with that later" and like the effects of not weeding out that pine seedling from the house foundation, it grows into a destructive force from such a small thing. If anyone else is out there feeling the same, PLEASE LET ME KNOW! I hate feeling like I am such a horrible person because I can't make these decisions like a grown up....so yes, misery loves company....letting me know that I am not the only one makes it easier to deal with and not quite to insurmountable.
All that being said, I hope to report good things in the coming days. Instead of a food list after the fact, I hope to make a list of top 5 things to take care of myself each day and work hard to get the list accomplished. Here goes for today's list:
1. Get 30 minutes of exercise today - either ride a bike or walk the dogs
2. Eat 3 healthy meals today - deal with the snacks later
3. Drink 8 glasses of water (64 oz)
4. Work on the PTA books so I can hand it over when the time comes.
5. Clean the carpets so I can finish setting up my dining room (a month after moving in)
I do have a product recommendation for today. For those of you with problems with energy and weight control, I have found this vitamin has been greatly beneficial in helping with both. It has a great supply of Vitamin B12 which is something that apparently I lack. What is interesting is that some of the weight loss places give you a B12 shot to help with the constant eating and the portion control problems that most people have. So please check out this vitamin and I hope it helps you too! PS. I do get a commission if you buy from the link...hint, hint.....(that's why there is both the men's and women's variety listed....good for the whole family!)
~ Sugar Addict
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