Just another manic Monday....(sing along if you know the words)

Day 11
Weight:  160.8 (almost in the 150's!)

What a day!  Mondays should be half days at work - just simply because by the time you deal with all the crap, you're exhausted or traumatized and need some alone time to deal with it.

Everyone that knows about my new dietary restrictions keeps checking on me and how I'm doing.  I hate telling them that I have gone off reservation yet again - but in the opposite direction - just not eating.  I know it's not a good thing because of all the metabolic changes it causes, but I was just too busy or preoccupied to notice that I needed to eat.  I wasn't hungry that's for sure.  I find that I usually eat because it's the time to eat, not because I'm hungry.  So actually waiting for hunger to hit - real, physical, man anything I eat right now will be fantastic (with the exception of Uncle Sam's bran flakes with flaxseed...BLEH!) hungry, is a good thing for me.

I know that I don't listen to my body enough, or what I hear isn't what it's actually saying.  I listen to the mental cravings and when my body has no energy or verve to do anything, I don't treat it the proper way to let it rest, reboot, revive...etc.  Instead I ply it with sugar or caffeine to keep going, thinking it's a treat for myself, when, in fact, it starts a cycle of dependency.  I have noticed a lot more energy since cutting back on the sugar and even on the caffeine - only 2 sodas over the weekend.  And the cravings are reducing....waiting them out is getting easier although I still cheat a bit every day.  Today it was pop tarts for breakfast and lunch - 2 reasons - yummy and easy....running late and nothing to grab and go in the fridge for breakfast.  While I know that these are not the best thing I could eat, I did eat something.  That totaled 800 calories  through 5 pm when I left the office.

I was so excited about getting my new phone in the mail (FedEx really, but why quibble?)  that I almost left the office at 2:30 to get it.  I resisted the urge and worked through until 5.  I did race a bit on the way home.  I  enjoy having something new to look forward to.  Whether it's a phone in the mail, a vacation to Washington state later this month or finally being done with the CPA and being able to pay for the test  this Friday so I can really focus on it, having something out of the status quo to look forward to makes the rest easier to bear.

When there is nothing but more work, stress, scarcity to look forward to, I eat to make myself feel better or to give myself a little bump - I'll feel better for a minute because I have that treat or meal or snack or box of cookies to look forward to, but then it evaporates because I just ate something I didn't need or shouldn't have especially when I do it just for the satisfaction of having eaten it, not because I'm particularly hungry or anything.

Now that I'm in the new place, there is plenty to look forward to like getting rid of all the bugs - fleas, wasps, carpenter bees, spiders (creepy spider covered in DE is even creepier all white and moving around still....like a ghost spider...but I digress), or not having to move around the pictures and things still sitting on the floor because I haven't put them away yet.  I also have decided that even though I am renting, I will be doing some home improvements - I mean, I'm living in the house so might as well make it nice.  I know some more conservative people will say "But it's not your house, you're adding equity for someone else."  Agreed, but I owned a house and never saw the equity I put into it.  Granted, I did handle it all badly and thus I am going to be a renter for a while, but I am taking the Native American philosophy on this - I am only using the property, even if I owned it, it wouldn't be mine forever.

So the many projects I have lined up are: Paint the rooms, paint the trim (got a 5 gallon bucket of trim for the WHOLE house already - thanks Dana!), redo the master bathtub enclosure, replace doors, change the flooring in the baths and kitchen (Max's dad can do this - finally I can put that tile know how to use for me!), resurface the counters and cabinets in the kitchen, change out lights for ceiling fans, put lights in the bedroom closets (they are creepy without 'em), replace windows, tear down the rotted (thanks carpenter bees) rails around the front porch, landscape the backyard, put down a patio with pavers over the boring square of cement and make it larger and more organically shaped (you don't see too many squares in nature...just sayin')....and I don't plan to move until Max is out of high school, so I have plenty of time, right?

A friend said they'd like to see what I can do on a good day.  I think today (Monday) is a good enough day.  While I did eat sugar, I didn't follow up with a binge meal when I got home.  I had one of my breakfast sandwich meals (yummy and only 260 calories) with a glass of skim milk (10 oz - max drank the other 6) and spent about 6 hours on my couch, watching Netflix movies and setting up my new phone.

All in all it was a pretty good day - I was in good spirits, I got some work done although I'm mostly on hold there and I didn't eat beyond my needs for the day.  I know there are other things I can work on, but since I am working on patience, being patient with myself is something I have to learn as well.  That it is baby steps that get me there, not a marathon the day after I decided to get up off the couch.

I'm torn on the product recommendation for today - love my new phone - if you have the chance to upgrade soon - go for the Motorola Atrix.  #1 it's 4G (4G....OMG....LOVE IT), #2 it uses fingerprint security so my kids can't get into my phone and take pictures of themselves or mess with games being downloaded or any of that other crap they do to our phones when we are busy being their parents and #3 it's just freakin' pretty, cool, light (way lighter than an iPhone) and even has cool sounds.  Max's alarms for feeding the dogs, taking a  shower and going to bed are all set to use the rooster crowing.  How apropos?  So that was option #1.

Option #2 are the breakfast sandwich meals, called D'Lights that were recommended for me.  I opted for the one with the right caloric makeup for my prescribed diet and it is egg white, honey wheat English muffin, cheese and Canadian bacon.  They are made by Jimmy Dean and can be found in the frozen section.  The calorie count is in BIG numbers on the front of the box so you know what you are walking into when you pick one up.  There were other flavors that had more calories per sandwich which also looked yummy, but I was trying to stick to the plan.  Those and the Fage Greek yogurts are two things I will definitely be adding to my repertoire of snack foods and go-to convenience foods.

Luckily for me, I don't have to be limited to just one so here they both are!  Hope you find something that you can look forward to as well.

~ Sugar Addict in Recovery

Jimmy Dean D'Lights Breakfast Sandwiches (oh and sign up for the pledge to end childhood hunger while you're there)